Monday, February 2, 2009

This is not what I signed up for...

Am I the only one who has these moments in life? I have been having one of those days or actually months...or years maybe. Awhile ago I kept hearing messages and sermons about counting the cost of what you decide to do. But lately I feel like I said yes to something and thought I knew the cost and now I am getting something else altogether.

I said yes to being a mom and the list is endless in what I didn't count on. That's another blog post altogether but I'll highlight a few things...sounding like my own mom (the good the bad and the ugly), kids not being dressed at 1 pm on many more than one occasion (today included), kids not treating me like the queen of this house and instead kind of thinking they in fact are the center of everything!

I said yes to being married and what I didn't count on was sometimes being unfairly treated or misunderstood and I definitely didn't count on him challenging ME as the person I have become in this life.

I said yes to serving God in women's ministry. I didn't count on facing so many feelings of inadequacy, fear and sometimes I admit annoyance with people.

I said yes to supporting my husband in having our own business but what I didn't count again were feelings of inadequacy, feeling like I'm back at work except I'm in a home office and there's no door at the moment and my kids keep coming in in their jammies and telling on each other.

Okay, so there are definitely good things going on like my son's slopping puppy kisses, watching my girls grow, my husband's loving commitment and all the growth that's taking place, but I definitely feel like I'm in the valley (yes, that's why I put this song by Ginny Owens on my blog) and I have felt the weight of this cloudy fog for awhile now.

I long to see the Sun and all it's glory shining on this path I've been walking upon.


April Willard said...

Oh yes, I have said that to myself (and outloud) many times..this is not what I signed up for. But then I remember all the cliche's like "God doesn't give us more than we can handle", and "along with the sunshine comes the rain."
Even when times get tough, I have to remind myself that my worst days surrounded by my family, are still better than some of the best I had when I was alone.

I can't wait til you pick up your copy of "Have a new kid by Friday" so we can talk about it. I'm only 1 day into it, and I can already tell it's going to make a big difference in our house.

Hope to see you soon. Call me when you have some time to get together.


Dejah said...

Jewel, God is growing an amazing woman out of you. Your obedience and desire to honor Him, to please Him is evident in the way you carry yourself daily. Your pursuit of Him and His will is an encouragement to me. I see Jesus in you. You shine of Him and are an incredible example of His love and influence in your life. The enemy hates you because you are a threat to him and he seeks to destroy but he is powerless in the end because Victory is already our Fathers and you are His. The valley is a heavy place to be- don’t carry the weight of it on your own. Know I am praying for you and I love you and I am so excited to see how God moves in you and through you and what His plans are for your precious family.
Don’t believe the lies my sweet friend. You are more than adequate you are a Mighty warrior in the Lord and you kick butt.


Related Posts with Thumbnails