Honor

“Acts of honor are never lost in translation and we must choose to honor what will be and what should be and what could be instead of criticizing what is.” -Lisa Bevere, author of Lioness Arising

I’ve had similar words to these in my heart for years. That verse speaking the truth in love about seeing people, all people, through a lens of acceptance and love and grace and treating them accordingly.

Respecting my husband for the man he’s called to be.

Seeing potential in my children and calling that out.

Recognizing light for those I know and encouraging them to keep heading towards it…

Not that I constantly do all these things…definitely fail more than succeed!

Which brings me to what hit me today like the crash of an ocean wave...

It applies to us!!!

We have to honor ourselves!

(sorry for all the exclamation marks but this was a serious realization.)

I momentarily lapse in grace towards my husband, my kids and just about everyone I bump into on this lifelong road, but when it comes to myself the criticism cut so much deeper, I dwell on so much longer and rarely there's an apology. Then I’m back in the hole again…

This is such an amazing Psalm and seriously one of the songs of my life.

Psalm 40~
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
~
But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.

I'm thinking today about treating myself well. Seeing my own potential. Forgiving myself. Accepting myself...

Listening to myself.

Okay, now I'm confusing myself, haha!

Seriously though, my God is not let down by my mistakes, he loves me and is only hoping that instead of looking inward in shame I'll run to Him and see His love as even bigger and more extravagant than I thought yesterday!

Lord let me live in that love!

Still Long Enough To Listen

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a

He who has ears, let him hear. But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it. Matthew 13:9, 16-17


My house is super still right now. The sun in shining beautifully on what was supposed to be a rainy day. My two older girls are helping at the Annual Boxcar Derby, hoping to raise some money for camp. My middle child is playing outside with her friend and my two youngest are sleeping off their sugar crashes upstairs (we just got back from a birthday party). The house is quiet.

I think it's a part of our culture to love noise and I usually fill up quiet times like this with at least the radio.

But with constant noise when do we have time in our going going lives to just be?

There are two activities that encourage me to be still. Reading and journaling. Well, going for walks in the country is a close third. Reading usually leads me to quiet reflection or contemplation and journaling is a great way to listen because I write down what I've heard.

This is an entry from a few months ago that kind of came out of a desperate prayer. I was in desperate need of some time to be still.

"Dreary day, depressed mood, lacking motivation, headache, so much built up, how do I speak? How do I write? Aching heart..." (I couldn't even form complete sentences!) "Lord I have nothing without you, but why does saying that feel hollow and fake? I need to know today how you view me because I'm feeling like I'm all wrong. Like I'm too much. My emotions, my thirst, my hunger, my longings and desires. It's too much. But not good enough at the same time. I'm deflating...

What is your answer?"

Come my daughter into the sun. Warm your face and stay awhile. Feel me wash over you satisfying your emptiness. Filling it beyond what you can imagine. Rest in me and close your eyes while I fill you with my love. Lay everything aside and in my love abide. Draw near and listen to the sound of my voice as I sing sweet melodies over your aching heart. I am the healer and I'll mend your wounds. I'll calm your fears. I'll give you new dreams from my mind and my heart. You've heard your name when I called you so very long ago, my delight is in you. When you wander I breathe your name, in the gentle whisper of the wind it rides. Listen and I will give you freedom. Listen and you'll see my face.

Ahhhhh.....

That's me breathing a deep breath of no stress....

Except I do actually have a lot of it...but I'm just not feeling it. I'm choosing to breathe today instead.

I'm going to write soon about our lovely women's retreat and all sorts of other fun stuff that's been happening around here.

But my house is messy and I feel the need to keep to my priorities today of taking care of my home first and then "playing" with all of you;)

In the meantime, please keep praying for Adam and their family. He is still in a coma and Amy is faithfully updating her blog. Grab a box of kleenex and read through the whole month's worth of posts. I feel like I'm watching a love story unfold...

ahhhhhhh........

Off Again

First of all keep praying for my friend Amy and her husband who's in a coma after a motorcross accident. She's updating her blog daily now and seriously I can't get through a post with tears in my eyes! Go visit Ramblings of a Root to join people in prayer and see the story unfold.

* * *

And yep, I'm off again...

Well, tomorrow, but as it approaches I'm really feeling the hours counting down quickly.

Hours to do loads of laundry.

Hours to finish writing my talk for Saturday night.

Hours to grocery shop, pack, clean, you get the idea.

Not enough hours....

I am getting excited about my talk though....and nervous. I know that if you've read my blog for awhile you would think I did this a lot but if you know me in real life you would know that I'm actually pretty quiet and have a hard time even speaking up about things in a group.

It is definitely one of those things that just gets better with practice though. I don't visibly shake anymore...at least I don't think I do.

Anyway, the theme this weekend is "For Such A Time As This" and we're using the book of Esther to show women the process of preparation, positioning and purpose. Although the three people speaking will probably talk about all of those things we're each supposed to focus on one aspect and mine is purpose.

That might sound kind of easy since all I would have to do is find my old copy of "The Purpose Driven Life" and quote random chapters, but I like to complicate things:)

I don't even remember the Purpose Driven Life but I do remember the first line...."It's not about you..." I know what the author was getting at. That we should stop figuring out our purpose with our self-centered ideas and focus on God since our lives were His plan.

But I think our purpose is somewhat about us. It's about us being reflections of the gospel of grace, or in other words our purpose is about us reflecting Jesus. That's such a simple message but one I think we take forgranted. We (I) tend to over complicate life, over intellectualize God, or just forget about it.

But when I was thinking and praying about what to share this weekend I just kept coming back to the simple message of the gospel.

My friend and I were talking and despite the fact that I'm going to be talking this weekend about love, Jesus, etc. I was kind of going off about a particular mother who has a boy in Emma's class. The mom drinks all day and I was saying how it is so sad that her son is not properly cared for.

My friend told me the story of this woman who grew up in an environment filled with drugs and abuse and then chose that for her own life as well. God brought her to a Christian organization because she was homeless and had been kicked out of the local women's shelter. Well, it's been three years and she's off the streets and graduating from the community college as a certified drug and alcohol dependency counselor. She said of the organization "They loved me until I loved myself".

Wow, that could totally be the mom I was criticizing!

And God totally did that for us!

So, a part of reflecting the gospel is remembering how exactly God loved us until we loved ourselves, or if we aren't there yet (c'mon none of us are completely there) surrendering to that process and surrendering to His love. And then we're supposed to do that for others.

Simple but hard right?

Well, I've also been learning about the fruits of the spirit and the thing about fruit is that the tree doesn't put forth effort to grow it. An apple tree produces apples because it's an apple tree. That's it...

The first fruit of the spirit is love and if we're filled with God like we're supposed to be as His children, love is going to be produced in our lives without effort.

So, that's along the lines of what I'm going to share this weekend. I get to go last so I can also add in a bunch of stuff, repeating and reiterating what the other two speakers said so that's taking a lot of my stress away about this.

If I don't get the chance to write tomorrow, be praying for me please. And have a good weekend!

Please Pray!

My friend Amy's husband was in an accident on a dirt bike track on Saturday. She now has the story on her blog. Please stop by Ramblings From a Root and pray for Adam's healing and peace and comfort the Amy, her daughter Mackenzie and the rest of their family.

Thank you!

~Jewel

Thoughts On Prayer

Since it's the National Day of Prayer I thought I'd share one of my favorites, The Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi. We sing this song during worship. It's beautiful.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

Oh, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

How could he write such a beautiful prayer? Actually according to wikipedia (my 11 year old daughter scolds me for it not being a reliable source) we aren't sure if St. Francis wrote it or if it was written by others in "the spirit of St. Francis". I like to think he wrote it as he was living his communal life and walking through fields of tall grass with butterflies landing on his hands (Have you seen Brother Sun Sister Moon?).

When I was little, the sky and mountains were my cathedral and the wind and birds were the orchestra. It never occurred to me that my Father wasn't listening.

It wasn't until I was older and sitting in a church building that I felt like my words were going no further than the roof. Time and experiences I'm sure were to blame, not the building itself, but still, it makes me wonder...

I learned to pray in nature so why do I stay shut up in my closet now? Or save my words for Sunday morning?

I'm not sure if this relates to prayer but I read this yesterday and it really struck me how God looks at His children as a loving father. It seriously put tears in my eyes.

Hosea 11: God’s Continuing Love for Israel
“When Israel was a child, I loved him,
And out of Egypt I called My son.
As they called them,
So they went from them;
They sacrificed to the Baals,
And burned incense to carved images.
“I taught Ephraim to walk,
Taking them by their arms;
But they did not know that I healed them.
I drew them with gentle cords,
With bands of love,
And I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck.
I stooped and fed them.
“He shall not return to the land of Egypt;
But the Assyrian shall be his king,
Because they refused to repent.
And the sword shall slash in his cities,
Devour his districts,
And consume them,
Because of their own counsels.
My people are bent on backsliding from Me.
Though they call to the Most High,
None at all exalt Him.
"How can I give you up, Ephraim?"
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I set you like Zeboiim?
My heart churns within Me;
My sympathy is stirred.
I will not execute the fierceness of My anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man,
The Holy One in your midst;
And I will not come with terror.
“They shall walk after the LORD.
He will roar like a lion.
When He roars,
Then His sons shall come trembling from the west;
They shall come trembling like a bird from Egypt,
Like a dove from the land of Assyria.
And I will let them dwell in their houses,”
Says the LORD.

* * *

I used to have a problem waking up at 4:30 - 5:00 am and then laying there with a restless mind for up to an hour. Then I'd fall back to sleep moments before I needed to be up and my whole morning would be spent dragging myself. Now I have my clock radio set to go off at 5:00 am every morning. Focus on the Family comes on then so when my mind would otherwise be fully rested and awake and ready to roll, it gets distracted back to sleep by the talk and this routine actually helps me get up when I need to at 6:30 am. Hey, it works for me.

So yesterday and today they've had whole shows of prayers. The feeling is sort of surreal to wake up and fall back to sleep to the sound of different people's praying voices. Really peaceful.

Do you ever have the feeling your prayers are not heard? Do you ever go somewhere outdoors to pray?

Random Is All I Got

First of all if you haven't gone and visited Megan's blog, head on over and check out her "Week of Giveaways". In celebration of posting 500 times (wow, I'm so behind her) she has some really cute handmade items and the contests are wrapping up soon so don't delay!

And on to cute things said by my kids. I just love them and seriously laugh all day long at the amazing way they view the world.

Ruby and I were shopping at the local grocery store when we noticed a couple of birds flitting and flying through and above the produce section. We watched them for a few minutes before getting on with our shopping trip. When we were leaving the store Ruby said "Mom, those were cute girl birds." I said "How do you know they were girls?" She said "Well, they are mommies". "How do you know they're mommies?" "They're at the grocery store!" Haha, yep, that does make sense...at least around our house.

Emma came in from playing in our very diverse neighborhood. Well, actually we sometimes feel like the caucasion minority. Some kids were telling Emma that she was "just full American" and she was not happy about it. After asking insistantly what else she was I finally said "European-American". She said "A what??? What is a 'peein' American'?" I started laughing and then she said "No Mom, you're a peein' American!" I almost died!

And on to more serious matters. The last time I posted I wrote about Maryam and Marzieh. I was feeling completely burdened for them and decided to go on a little fast/hunger strike until I heard word on them as well as something else that we've been praying about. At dinner on Tuesday I seriously felt like I was gonna die! I had planned to make one of my least favorite meals (one that the rest of the family begs for) so I cooked fish and chips. I mean, greasy store bought fish stix and crinkle fries from a bag...eww...

But while I cooked them they looked and smelled soooo yummy. Seriously it was a pitiful sight. Me going back and forth in the kitchen not knowing what in the world is going on and praying that we would get the answers to our prayers so that I could dine on the grease....

I still haven't heard about either thing (I don't know how long the trial was going for so I'm sure prayers are still needed) but I did cave in to the food.

I know, I know, people go for much longer than that without food and don't act as dramatic as me! My husband pointed that out kindly when he saw I had a plate as big as his.

I broke my strike with faith that the prayers are already answered, whether I know what's going on or not.

And again back to non-serious things (I said this was random). I've been spring cleaning like a mad woman and we're getting ready to have a yard sale this weekend. I'm feeling so good about going through each room and purging our lives of excess junk. I really hope someone else wants our junk.

For Such A Time As This Sisters!

Many of you follow Beth Moore's Blog. If you don't or aren't familiar to this mother in the faith (hey she's mine at least), please go familiarize yourself. By the way, her blog has a new look and a new address and it's much more easy to follow now in my opinion.

Anyway, on to matters of crucial importance. Beth and Living Proof girls have been updating us about Maryam and Marzieh, Christian women in Iran. The following letter explains a lot and has the prayer request as well so I'll just leave you with this and ask that you join me in support of these courageous women.

Maryam and Marzieh need our prayer.

They spent 259 days in prison for their Christian faith. After their conditional release on 18th November 2009 from Iran’s Evin Prison, they have been convalescing and receiving medical treatment for the past five months.

Both of them still remain unwell, weak and suffering from various illnesses. However, despite their frailties they are determined to be faithful to the Lord and speak the truth in court whatever the consequence or personal cost.

Maryam and Marzieh’s court hearing has been set for 13th April 2010.

Therefore, on their behalf, during the next five days leading up to their court hearing we request your prayers.

Pray that:

The peace of God will protect their hearts and minds and keep them safe.
They will completely recover from their illnesses and be strong physically, mentally and spiritually.
They will know the presence of God in the midst of their trial.
They will be set free.

Maryam & Marzieh would like to express their heartfelt gratitude for your prayers that have sustained them throughout their hardship.

Thank you for praying.

The Elam team

The Wonderful Cross

This is one of my absolute favorite songs and how perfect for Good Friday.


The other day I went for a walk while it was getting dark. Emma was ahead on her bike so I took the opportunity to pray (complain to God). Here's how it went...

There's so many unknowns and I'm tired of it. I want my life to be mapped out in front of me. I want to see what's coming and have some warning. If we make the wrong decision, then what? How do we know what the right decision is? Even if we make the decision You want us to make, who's to say we can't lose everything and end up back where we started? (This actually went on for about 10 minutes with the same theme).

Okay, you've said what you have to say, now are you ready for what I have to say?

(a little shaken at the sound of my "prayers" being interrupted by God himself) Um, sure! I mean, yes, I'll listen...

Remember the Lilies of the fields and how I clothe them. How much more do I care about you?!

Yeah, but those are flowers. They don't really have anything. That doesn't tell me anything. We have a mortgage to pay, utilities, we have to depend on other people for things, and we need clothes and food and all the necessities.

Seek first My kingdom...

Right after he said that I got lost again in my own thoughts, except they were taking a different direction. It was like He poured a little faith into me, His faith.

Suddenly I looked up and there was this girl sitting in front of me. She was sitting on a bench and she looked at me with intense eyes and unlike people I usually see sitting around town, she looked full of peace. Almost like she didn't belong there. I said hello and she nodded instead of saying anything and kept on looking at me with these eyes that now I can't forget.

I don't know what that meant and I honestly don't know what's ahead for us, but it being Good Friday, I'm taking the time to fast, pray and contemplate the Wondrous Cross.

Being like the lilies of the field, living a life of carefree worship.

Thanks and Cute Kids (Mine)

Someone must have been praying for me yesterday because it went good with my little bro. Better than good! God totally helped me be bold, honest and loving.

I ended up sitting my brother down and, instead of coming down on him for making some bad decisions, I told him about his potential and how he needs to realize who he is in God's eyes, not who people expect him to be. We talked about a bunch of other stuff too and Bill was right there with me letting him know that we both support him making good choices for his life and his future. And yes, I cried!

After that Bill and I went for a drive and we had a really good talk. We have known that helping people with their stuff is right at the heart of what we're called to do, but honestly we've been forgetting that lately. We decided to go somewhere and really get on our knees and come together to ask God for "something big". And by something big I mean, we're ready to jump in together and cross this threshold of what God has lined up for us.

With no fear!

God has answered my prayers. The spoken and unspoken ones.

* * *

Also, I realized that I haven't shared any recent updates or sayings from my kids. Here you go...

Me: "Azzie, your pants are falling down..."
Azzie: "No, I like them like this...everyone wears boxers underneath and sweats halfway off like this" (By halfway off, I mean halfway off her bottom...yep, we're so there! And isn't it funny how in middle school, things are always done by "everyone" or "no one"??)

Shariah got a job! She's going to be taking care of the neighbor's two little dogs after school every day. This is great because it's gonna be a lo-o-ong time before I'll be ready for another dog, so my puppy-lovin' girl can get her daily fix while the neighbors can buy the food and worry about letting them out at night for potty breaks.

Emma had to go to the dentist and get a little cavity filled this morning, plus sealants on her baby teeth. When the nurse called her back, I got up too. She turned and said "Mo-om, you don't need to come with! I'll be alright." Oh, my baby girl is so grown up all of a sudden:*)

Ruby got up this morning, cleaned her room and came down completely dressed. She was wearing black leggings with ruffles at the bottom, a purple flowery layered skirt, a bright colored shirt (not matching the skirt) with butterflies and a sequined black sweater that I'm pretty sure has Hannah Montana on the label. She looked AWESOME! I looked closer to see she was wearing lip gloss and she'd brushed her hair. She's only four people!

Brayden is going through a jealous phase where he doesn't like me to hold anyone else, especially Emma for some reason. He screams "My mama, my mama, my mama" until she gets off my lap. Emma thinks this is funny and yesterday came and jumped on my lap, looked over at Brayden and said "My mama" in a perfectly snotty little voice. He ran over with his fist preceding him Pop-Eye style and punched her in the behind, with rage in his eyes and through gritted teeth threatened "MY MAMA!" Is it wrong that I think this is adorable???

Love and Laughter:)

She's Done It Again

My friend Francine that is. She's gone and written another book that I've had so much trouble putting down to to do anything else including cleaning, taking care of my kids, sleeping, even eating. Yep, I'm still talking about "Her Mother's Hope".

This is the first day of Spring Break. Well, not the first day, but you know what I mean, right? I guess Saturday with the fundraiser and Sunday with church and another fundraiser didn't feel like the start of a break. Now I can breathe...and read:)

This morning I woke to the sounds of my children rising, the turning on of cartoons and the pouring of cereal and milk. It sounded like the bigger ones were taking care of the little ones so I decided to wait on my coffee and quickly read the end of the chapter that I hadn't finished last night because I had fallen asleep.

"Her Mother's Hope" is about mother-daughter relationships. Great, just what I needed. Well, seriously, couldn't all women use some healing when it comes to this area of our earthly lives???

The other thing that I love about all of her books are that they seem to come to me at the right time. The second part of the story (don't worry, no spoilers here) is about Hildemara who grows up to be a nurse around the time of the start of World War II. Her character is a compassionate person who empathizes with everyone. When she starts nursing she learns, at the advice of an older wiser nurse, to give her patients to Jesus in prayer as soon as she leaves their hospital room.

What a message for me! I find myself so easily burdened by other people's stuff, sometimes to the point of being kept up at night, losing my appetite and falling into depression.

Today I have had a few different urgent issues come to my attention and honestly they've already threatened to consume me with worry, fear and all sorts of internal dialog while I rehearse how I can "fix things".

So, today I'm asking for prayer. For me because in a little while I do have something to do. I've invited my younger brother over for a "chat" (confrontation). After feeling helpless this morning about a family situation that's growing in urgency (the details of that will have to wait) I prayed and without wording it asked God to show me what I could do. Right after I looked at my phone and realized my brother had texted me asking to come over. I replied that he could but he'd be having a talk with me, not coming over to play with his nieces and nephew. He agreed to come anyway.

Also pray for all these other prayer needs I've seen and heard. I don't want to give too many details to protect the privacy of family and friends, but if you could pray anyway I'd really appreciate it. These are people I love and lives that are desperately in need of God's loving grace.

So here I am, waiting for him. I know that I need to lay my own feelings aside, as well as my expectations of how this is going to go. I need to just let God show up here and do His thing. I know he's faithful and wants to rush in healing like a hurricane.

Lord help me.

A blog worth your glance

I just wanted to share about this blog that I recently became aquainted with. This family is adopting a child from China right now and definitely needs prayer and support!

I'm back... *with an update on the prayer request*

My computer was possessed...with tons of spyware that was continuously wreaking havoc on my machine. I think it must have come from one of my girls clicking on one of those flashing "you won" banners, but who knows.

Anyway, we turned off our cable sometime around when the internet stopped working so I've felt cut off from the world. True I still had my phone, but that takes so much effort.

On the flip side I have been getting so much done around the house!

And I have been storing up endless thoughts and visions that slowly I'll have to unload on here.

Plus I got back in the habit of good old fashioned journaling. Just to give you a taste of how long I've neglected that disapline I had to tell my journal about my 5th child!

So, I'll end this post by throwing out a very important prayer request.. My friends and neighbors are fighting for custody of their neice. They've had custody of her for the past year and the mother had decided to let them adopt, but then after getting some pressure from a friend, changed her mind and decided she wants to fight it. Before my neighbors had custody of the little baby, she'd been living in a drug house, surrounded by that life and all of it's dangers. The hearing is scheduled for tomorrow so please pray!

*Update*
The court postponed the hearing to July 16th. They are basically giving the mom another chance because she didn't do what she was supposed to do. I talked to my neighbor who seemed like the unknowing part is getting to them, so if you remember pray for their peace. Their names are Adam and Becky.

Just a little test

Well this post might be a little different than usual. This has just been one crazy week and something has gone wrong with our Internet access from home.

But I am getting a lot more done around the house...go figure.

So I have resorted to typing this out at the library and it's a little difficult as I am sitting here between a crowd of junior high kids and a couple of girls are discussing their Internet "boyfriends". Let me rephrase that...one girl is talking about her "boyfriends". It's all a little distracting.

Anyway, I really want to tell you about our women's retreat that we had this last weekend at The Firs in Bellingham, WA. It was lovely. The weather was wonderful. The place was so much better than last year and I came home totally and completely exhausted! Yes, you heard me right.

A few months ago while planning the retreat the pastor's wife/ministry leader had the idea to, instead of hiring a speaker, have each of us share. Me, full of zeal, sometimes lacking in knowledge/wisdom, jumped at the opportunity to talk about what God's been doing in my life.

I really wanted to share about what we've been going through over the past year in our finances/marriage/family/hearts and when I signed up to talk I was so ready for God to perform a miracle so I could go to the retreat and say "Look what God did, he got us out of debt."

Well, sometime I started to get the clue that He was doing something a little different from what I was expecting.

I started getting it that He was wanting me to share about having peace in the midst of our circumstances.

So about a week before the retreat I'm trying to get some time to type up what I'm going to say. Not that I would sit in front of everyone reading a paper, but I just get my words out better on paper. So, it was important to prepare.

The next few days is sort of a mess so I might have things a little out of order.

First Bill wanted me to finish all of last years bookkeeping stuff and get it to the accountant for our taxes. I should have finished that a long time ago and he's been being very patient with me so I put off my retreat talk planning and did what he needed.

Then we got a very bad phone call from our bank. Our account had been frozen by LNI who was wanting a payment like two months ago. I, seeing the test, stayed remarkably calm.

Then some other stuff happened that I might fill you in on later, but for now I'll just say that it tested the hell out of our marriage and tested my feelings toward my husband. I'll just add that it had nothing to do with him at all. We were definitely being attacked by outside forces.

THEN after going on a whirlwind of damage control as far as our finances go, I finally sat down on Thursday to type up my retreat talk about having peace. I was actually impressed with myself for keeping the "right" perspective on everything and remaining calm and cool.

I was on a roll with my writing, until I left to pick up Shariah from school........

I came home to a FROZEN COMPUTER!

Let me remind you, this is Thursday and the retreat is on Friday and I'm supposed to be talking about having the peace of God in the midst of our circumstances!!!

After hours I downloaded some new security software, which discovered 38 viruses/spy ware/worms!!!

And I still could not get it to work or even print what I had or back up my bookkeeping just in case.

I tried to write it out but typing is so much easier for me and I couldn't think. Nothing was coming together. But still, I remained calm. I ended up going to bed praying and surrendering the whole thing to the Lord.

On Friday morning I woke up to a miraculously working computer. Thank the Lord I finished my talk with it coming together good enough. I did want to get up to the retreat a little early so that I'd have time to polish my words and my presentation.

I met a couple of friends and we headed up towards Bellingham. We were feeling great and so ready for a weekend of relaxing.

THEN.....on the freeway, about nine miles South of Bellingham, while driving through a windy curvy heavily treed area with very minimal shoulder room, OUR LEFT FRONT TIRE BLEW!

We pulled over on the left side, but there was not room for our car so we were sticking out in the lane.

Gone was my calmness! Gone was my peace! I hate to admit it but I panicked! I jumped from the car and ordered everyone else to follow me. I pictured someone hitting us, sending us over the guard rail and from there I wasn't sure if we'd roll and be stopped by the trees or make it completely over into the South bound lanes.

The driver who was staying calm, probably subconsciously balancing me out, talked to 911 and told me that they had told her that we needed to stay in the car.

I was so scared. I knew this was a test for my peace and I didn't even care that I was failing miserably. We all held hands as cars swerved not to hit us and I prayed/cried "God, I am really scared! I don't want to die!"

After half an hour the highway patrol came and escorted us to the other side of the freeway. He changed the tire and we were on our way.

We arrived at the retreat in the middle of dinner, with the session starting immediately after so when I finally got up to speak, after having no time to polish things up, I was still shaking.

I will tell you more about the retreat talk and the weekend later, but I will tell you now, I did NOT tell people how to stay calm during a crisis. I did talk about having the peace of God that transcends understanding.

My prayer today...

Praise the Lord for He is faithful,
and His grace is sufficient and amazing.
He directs our steps and makes our path straight.
His ways are higher than our ways,
His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.
He works all things together for good,
for His children whom he loves.
He holds us close in times of distress
Keeping us safely in the shadow of His wings.
He leads us gently through valleys unknown,
He provides water to drink,
He provides the sun for growth.
He longs for us to turn to Him -
To see His face -
To worship at His feet -
To glorify His name.
Let our lives glorify your name.

Children in Africa

I love the show "24" and last nights movie "Redemption" brought the familiar adrenalin rush that keeps me at home every Monday night during the season. (I also appreciated that they seem to be toning down the torture scenes this year).

Something else rose up in me last night as I watched it though. Severe grief for the children of Africa. I was unable to speak as I watched the mother begging for the embassy to save her and her baby. I was shocked at the scenes of boys being turned into soldiers. All I could manage to pray was "Oh God those are your children!"

For I, the Lord, love justice
I hate robbery and iniquity. Isaiah 61:8

"I walk the dirt roads of Uganda
I see the scars that war has left behind
Hope like the sun is fading
They're waiting for a cure no one can find

And I hear children's voices singing
Of a God who heals and rescues and restores
And I'm reminded
That every child in Africa is Yours

And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky
To the depths of the ocean floor
And its all Yours, God, Yours, God
Everything is Yours
You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything
It's all Yours"

-Excerpt from Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Yours"

So what can we do? Let's pray for the children of Africa, the millions of them, and act when God tells us to act. One way we can act is by visited The Dunga Orphanage Project website.

A kitchen sink conversation

Arise, shine for your light has come.

Lord, I am so far from ready to shine or arise. I must be hearing you wrong, afterall I am very tired and my emotions are running high.

I created you a women with emotions, offer them to me as a sweet perfume. Sit at my feet and listen.

I feel so empty, distracted and unworthy. My failures are strewn out before me and they call my name.

I will call you by a new name. My delight is in you.

I'm too critical.

You are redeemed of the Lord.

I hold onto bitterness and resentment.

The nations will see your righteousness and all the kings your glory.

But I have not love, not even for myself.

Drink of my cup, proclaim my death, which is my love for you.

But I am not strong. I am weak, weak in faith, weak in love, weak in joy and so very tired of the fight. Giving up looks easier and the fact that I entertain that thought shows how very very weak I am.

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Lord, I pray that you arise, and shine your light on this place. Take my emptiness, my guilt and my shame and fill me with your love. Help me believe. Raise me up to live for you.

Pray for the Persecuted Church

I've been reading a little of what I can find about what is going on in the state of Orissa, India. Of course most of the news from there is coming from Hindu sources and is subsequently biased.

In this time of financial crisis, election preparation and overall stress I've been praying and asking God for some perspective. This is a great article from J. Lee Grady. If you don't subscribe to his blog I would recommend it. He has good stuff to say!

www.fireinmybones.com

My mom taught me to pray

My mom gave me something that I will always be grateful for. In fact, as a mother and a wife, I don’t think there is anything that she could have passed down to me that would be more important. She taught me the importance of prayer.

We had an interesting life when I grew up. We lived without electricity for awhile and the doors of our cars sometimes had to be held on by the passengers riding in them. I think those things may have been a reason that prayer was a very central part of our lives. Whether we were praying for silly things like that our car would make it to the next gas station without running out or more serious things like illness in the family, my mom taught us to pray.

When I was a teenager I probably caused her to take her prayer life up a notch. I was determined to live life the way I wanted and it came to the point where the only thing my mom could possibly do was pray. My mom was so faithful. She’d wake up in the middle of the night and pray. She prayed without ceasing. And I felt it. Not only did she intuitively know what I was up to most of the time I felt like I could not get away with anything. I’d be on my way to somewhere I shouldn’t have been heading and my car would break down…for no reason. So I’d have to call my parents and they’d come and pick me up. Francis Thompson wrote a poem called “The Hound of Heaven” and that would be the best way to describe how God was after me throughout my teenage years. I had plans for my life but God had something different planned.

Then just a few years ago when Emma was born some of you may remember that she was bleeding internally and had to be rushed down to Children’s Hospital. That was a scary and an amazing time for us. Her second night there they sent us home knowing that she was still bleeding from one of her organs and we felt so incredibly helpless. I think it was the first time that we really prayed together with faith that God knew what He was doing and He cared for our baby. And she was healed that night. We went back to the hospital the next day and her bleeding had stopped. Not only that but they did numerous tests on her and her organs were perfect, no tears, rips or scarring. We had plans for how her birth was going to go but God had something different planned; something better.

As mothers when our children are born we know that they are God’s children first and He loves them so much more than we are capable of. Unlike us who look at people through a cloud of fear, God sees them through perfect love, seeing who He created them to be. When we pray we are invited to see our children through His eyes and through that come to a deeper relationship with him as our Father.

Romans 8:26-27 says “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.