Friday, May 7, 2010

For All The Other Mothers

It is absolutely beautiful outside right now and I don't want to be a downer in any way, but I've got some things on my mind.

Mothers Day is honestly sort of bittersweet and this afternoon my girls were reminding me why, so after I spent some time in my room with God (lots of tears as usual) when I still didn't feel complete release I thought it better to tell someone else. So, lucky you;)

For me Mothers Day is bittersweet because our daughter, Ahzryia, goes to spend it with her real mom. On this day I'm reminded that I'm just the step-mom and honestly I don't really like that role. When we go have fun at the beach or wherever we end up, it will feel like someone is missing and that will be on my mind the whole day. Then when I look at the pictures later or post them on here I'll be reminded again and feel sad all over.

I've heard that the pain of childbirth reoccurs again and again throughout the life of each child. Have you ever heard that? It's so true. Because every time they break away from you or say something that reminds you that they're really not yours it hurts like birth over again. Actually (I hope I'm not going too far into melodrama here) it's worse. Because the pain is not physical and something you can clench your teeth and bear through. It's cutting through your heart, the core of who you are as a mom! And I don't believe you had to physically give birth to the child to feel this pain.

So, on to my positive conclusion (are you still reading?)...

Do you see that lovely bouquet of roses at the top? They remind me of the roses that the greeters hand out at the church doors on mothers day. Well, if you can relate to what I said then those flowers are for you.

They are for you if you've lamented that there are seriously NO positive examples of step-mothers out there. (Oh wait the movie "Step-mom"...but still, only one???)

They are for you if you've understood why there's no positive ones out there after you've reacted badly and are feeling like a total failure once again because of it.

They are for you if even though you've raised the child, cared, cooked, cleaned, worried about and loved the child, you've never felt truly appreciated and think that possibly you never will.

They are for you for holding back on all the things you could say about the real mother.

They are for you if you've had difficulty loving the child after feeling rejected yourself.

And onto another topic because this has me thinking of other mothers who aren't step-moms but also might see the holiday as bittersweet.

They are for my best friend, who was seriously born to be a mother! She is going to be an amazing mom. But her and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for 7 years. I wonder if she goes to church on Mothers Day.

In fact if you consider yourself an "Other Mother" somehow and this holiday devoted to "real mothers" is either bittersweet or your least favorite holiday, then these roses are for you.

I have to rest now in knowing that God has things figured out. Also He knows the pain of wanting and he knows the pain of rejection.

You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8


Angela Strand said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's so good for me to be reminded that this holiday is very bitter sweet or just plain difficult for alot of people. I'm sure you are a fantastic step-mom to Ahzryia and she is so blessed to have you. I needed to be reminded to say a prayer for the ladies that are not yet "real" moms and the other people that the holiday doesn't bring pure joy to.

April Willard said...

Thank God for you, and this special post. It was exactly what I needed to read tonight.
Also, thanks for spending some quality time on the phone with me today too, it was greatly appreciated.
Love you!

Megan said...

Such a sweet post.

I'm sorry that you're an 'Other Mother' too because I know you love Azzie like your own.


Love you!


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