The Rest of the Story
I just have to also tell you that when I made that little noted declaration to stick in my bible that was NOT the end of it. Since then I've had to lay my "Isaac" down again...and again...and yes again.
This is sort of aside from that but very much has to do with everything in life. Awhile ago I kept wishing that my life could be like it was in school. I am the kind of person that likes a little structure. I need a little structure. I like knowing what's expected and meeting those expectations. I like having a schedule. I like having someone to positively motivate me. Well the Holy Spirit is our teacher and guide and I've found that when I listen I do hear which way to step next.
That has to do with surrender because I have completely felt that gentle voice stop me before I speak so many times over the last few days. A gentle voice saying "Wait a minute...think about what you're going to say. Would saying that fall under your vow of surrendering yourself to me. Surrendering your hopes and dreams?"
This does not mean that all of a sudden I've turned into a robot of a wife, never expressing my feelings. I'm just going to God first and I talked about how that has freed me, but I've also noticed that it's really freed my husband.
After my initial "aha" breakthrough day he invited me to come out to dinner the next evening. I was busy with about 10,000 things, aren't we always? And it didn't make much sense for me to go pick him up from work since he had a car there and it would mean I would have to drive him back again in the morning. And have I mentioned my Suburban alone is creating a carbon cloud over the Northwest region from all of it's gas usage? And if all that seems okay, here's the clincher. Since we have NO money, I would be putting the dinner on a credit card! But I sensed that gentle voice saying "These 10,000 things can wait." So they were put aside. My kids were dropped off at Gramma's house. My gas tank was filled and I headed out on the hour drive to find his job site.
While we were eating he said "So, on the drive home yesterday (the 5th if you're keeping track) I prayed the whole way. I just sense that God has something for me to do and I asked him to show me very clearly what it is. When he does I will do whatever it takes to just do it, even if I have to drop everything else."
Yeah, I was trying so hard not to smile too big and jump out of my seat.
So, what's next? We'll pray and wait and see. And in the midst of it all I'm going to keep laying down my Isaac, and keep picking up the love of God and listening to my Teacher who tells me which way to step.