Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Psalm 42 - my version

I sit here in silence. I am suddenly aware of my breath rolling in and out like waves on a calm beach. I wait to hear something but instead the stillness washes over me as I sink deeper and deeper into myself.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me. Psalm 42:7

Then I hear something. A sound from within rising up. I don't recognize the feeling but the closest thing that I can relate is needing to vomit, but without any trace of nausea.

Uneasiness. Fear. Panic. Pain.

These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng. Psalm 42:4

My mind seeks to understand consequently pushing the sound back to where it came from. No! I cry. Whatever that was, it needed to be heard. I search for the sound in vain.

Lord, You hear my prayers. You hear them when I can articulate my needs and my thanks. You hear when I cry to You. You hear when my soul cries to You and I know not what it wants, except for You. When I don't know what I pray, You know.

Satisfy my soul's thirst, Lord. I will remember You, in Whom my hope lies. My Savior, my God.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life. Psalm 42:8

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