Monday, May 4, 2009

Thoughts on support

I was asked for some thoughts on support as a mother. When I appreciate it and when it is not really help at all. Here's a basic list that I thought up and if anyone reads this and has something to add, I would appreciate that...I'm asking for advice here;)

Times I’ve felt loved, supported and thankful for wise friends:

  • When a friend offered to come do dishes when I had a 3 day old baby. At the time I turned down the offer, but just knowing she was there and cared to come and do housework was such an encouragement.
  • When friends and church people brought meals for us, even if we did eat rotisserie chicken for a week straight.
  • When friends come to visit because they understand the importance of naptime and my need for some visiting.
  • When friends assure me that they too have dishes in their sink and juice stains on their carpets and their own laundry mountains.
  • When someone thinks about what I need as a mom.
  • When friends pray for me.
  • When friends pray for my kids.
  • When friends take my older children for times, developing relationship and reinforcing the biblical values we want them to grow up with.
  • When friends send a card with encouraging words and scriptures.
  • When friends notice that I’m shorthanded and take a child in their own.
  • When older women offer advice on training children and loving husbands.
  • When friends listen first and then offer encouragement.
  • When women tell me I’m not the only one who feels uncertain and sometimes like a failure in this job as a mother.
  • When women share that they’ve “been there” and think about how they would have liked to be supported during such a time and then pass that on.
  • When people show grace to me and my family.

Times when I just feel like saying “no thanks…now go away.”

  • When someone is ready with advice before listening.
  • When someone puts down my husband or my kids.
    When someone lectures me about overpopulation.
  • When someone approaches me with concerns about my child when they are annoyed with them.
  • When someone talks to others about my child when they are annoyed with them.
  • When someone only focuses on what I’m doing wrong with the attitude that they are doing everything right.
  • When someone says when my child needs to be spanked. (I can decide that thank you!)
  • When criticism is the main objective.
  • When my needs as a mother are ignored.
  • When my child’s needs are ignored.
  • When people criticize decisions I have made with my husband (i.e. immunizations, public v. home schooling, what ages we’ll allow certain privileges, dating v. courting, etc.)
  • When friends tell me that “babywise” is the only godly method of parenting.


Jewel said...

I'm going to add when people hold open doors for me when my hands are full or when I was pregnant.

April Willard said...

Amen to that! Both your lists :)
I can't think of anything other than what you listed.
Oh, maybe "You're too young to have all those children" While I appreciate the compliment on looking young (as we are indeed getting older), it's not up to anyone but God to decide how many children we should have at our age.

Christabelle said...

I have to add this to "when women share that they've 'been there'." It's so important to be understood and loved right where you are! I haven't gotten lectures about overpopulation (although I'm sure they are coming), I have gotten other comments about "those people" who have need of population control (my brother just made reference to the "little old woman who lived in a shoe" just recently). You've challenged me to show more grace to those around me. I know I enjoy it when it comes my way!


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