Monday, April 14, 2008

Waiting While Hope Remains

While waiting for what I know God has for me, how do I remain hopeful rather than let the fear of seeing what's impossible get to me?

On waiting...
I have never really enjoyed pregnancy. Some women do and I admire them for it because to me, it's just the long period of feeling sick, uncomfortable, and not having clothes fit right. The blessing is the baby and although I do enjoy being close and knowing that a small human is growing in my womb, I really get impatient for the end result. Or the beginning if you want to look at it that way.

Two weeks ago we had our annual church women's retreat. At the beginning of the retreat we played a get to know you game where we posted pieces of paper on our backs and everyone went around writing their first impressions of everyone else. After we were done I glanced at my paper but didn't really read all of the comments until I was home after the weekend. One person wrote "Patient, Patient, Patient!"


"Me, patient? Seriously?" Sometimes I feel like I'm perceived as being patient but I'll be honest I think it's closer to "worn out". I like to keep a smile on my face after a long day of changing diapers, nursing, and picking up after Hurricane Ruby, but if you look closer into my eyes you might find that I'm a little dazed and confused. At least that's how I feel. So, I think it's entirely by mistake that I've been labeled as "patient".

So many times I've gone out of my way to manipulate the situation to make things come sooner than they would have if left to themselves. The nearest example I can think of is when I was nine months pregnant with Brayden. Actually I was 37 weeks exactly and I felt that was enough time baking on his part. I went on long walks, I ate spicy food and I hit every pot hole and didn't bother to slow down for speed bumps. I bugged my husband night and day to help me get things started in ways only he could;)

So, what about those times when we really have no choice but to wait? Well, I guess being pregnant was one of them. Brayden waited a whole week to arrive despite my efforts at natural induction.

Right now I feel like I'm "pregnant" with what God is wanting to do with me and my family and I'm questioning what I'm supposed to do in the meantime. Of course I know that I have a huge sometimes overwhelming job in front of me taking care of my children, my husband and my home and some might say that I should only focus on what is in front of me, but something in my heart detests complacency and I long to find the balance between that and expectation.

And here's another question, or actually I'm going back to my first question. While I'm waiting how do I remain full of hope rather than worry? How do I keep my mind from solving each of the unknowns in our life so that I do not miss what God is doing?

The bible is full of waiting and the best example I can think of is the four hundred or so years between Redemption's Promise of the old testament and the Fulfillment of Hope that came with the birth of Christ.

And so many completely missed it! People who had sunk into a state of complacency with how things were so that they didn't need a savior and others who expected a messiah to come in a very different way; as an army here on earth. Both groups missed so much because Jesus offered so much more, everlasting life and an eternal kingdom rather than a temporary earthly one.

So, what made people believe? What made the disciples follow Christ? How can I keep my eyes on God and what He is doing savoring every blessing along the way?

I am look for some of these answers.

Stay tuned...:)

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