A New Year

I love this time of year! New possibilities, like the morning where God's mercy shines brightly, reflecting off of winter frost, blinding with hope.

Two years ago early on I read 1000 Gifts and began the practice of recording my thankfulness. Last year I started naming them before I rose each morning.

 And I noticed something...

Looking back there is not the same feeling that I've had in years past that I'm glad to be done with it! It was hard! I'm glad that's over!

Instead I see God's faithfulness, even in the hard times. I see that His promises did not fail me. I see the teaching. I see the leading. I see the moments!




My best friend prompted a thought in me that's been swirling around over the last few days...What if I begin to live this year without the worry about tomorrow? What if I choose each day to know that in the end I'll see the whole picture, the whole story?

I'll see that He was faithful.

I think about how that might change my days. How that might result in me being more available to the ones who I love and the people in my path. I resolve to choose the right now this year. I'll probably fail, but always knowing that in my weakness He is made strong.

Be still and know that I am God.

A Safe Place

I find myself in the still soft glow of the full moon shining through the walls of our tent. The fire crackles outside while my husband tends it alone. Voices of other campers can be heard along with giggles from our teenagers and their friends.

Tucked under their covers, my three little ones lay satisfied from marshmallows and chocolate and I lay down between my sleeping son and my youngest daughter. The pattern of his breath softens my own.

Exhausted I close my eyes and my thoughts soon become dream like; blue sky and the rhythm of the waves beneath me lulls me deeper still, but blue suddenly darkens as clouds rush in and cover the moon’s light. Water turns to wind rushing through the canyon where we’ve camped.

My eyes open as lightning pierces the darkness and thunder shakes the ground beneath us. My son remains in deep sleep and the fearless daughter laughs as the four corners of our tents roof fight for the right to collapse.

The fire has gone out and my husband stands watch over his family, strong arms hold firmly the frame of our shelter.

The youngest daughter begins to cry. "Pray with me, Mama!”

She needs me near and I draw closer. My voice is calm as I tell her the story of Jesus in the storm. “The storm threatened to collapse their boat and the disciples were afraid for their lives. Jesus awoke and said to the storm ‘Peace be still’ and the storm calmed.”

I remember a song and I sing the lullaby to my daughter, my voice strong with assurance of its truth.

“Peace be still, lay all your worries down Be still oh my soul, my God is in control And if God is for us, then who shall I fear? And our God is for us, so lay down, be still”

I sing it again and again and peace from within comes out and faces the storm. Her eyes slowly close and her breathing slows and soon she’s sleeping along with the fearless one and my son. Giggles have stopped in the tent next to us and after awhile the storm subsides. My husband comes in and embraces me as the night is still once again, the moon returns and we quietly laugh together at the absurdity we’ve just experienced.

A year ago I said a big prayer. Our neighborhood had slowly gone downhill and a series of horrific events had infiltrated our home and our family and we were living in the aftermath. I wanted to escape. I wanted rest from what seemed like a never-ending attack on our family. I wanted to take back the prayers of “yes” and give back to God the ministry he’d placed in our hearts.

I prayed that God would take us out of here; that he’d bring us to a peaceful house out in the country where we could hide from the world and find again what had been taken, and what had been lost.

Our family.

My child’s innocence.

My joy.

My gratitude.

A house came but both my husband and I felt like something was not right, like we should say “no” even though it was exactly what I had asked God for so boldly.

We said “no”.

We stayed.

A couple days later I discovered that a girl who’d stood out to me at a youth conference lives a rocks throw away from us. I never knew that. She came to borrow some sugar the next day. Another girl from church was hanging out at the park across the street from us one day and I went out to chat with her. We talked about starting a small group and I offered my home as a meeting place.

Suddenly I didn’t want to leave. I decided that since we were here for now, this was God’s plan for now and I made the decision to BE here and rest in that.

But we still wanted to be out in the country, in our restful home on property, before this summer started. But summer is here and has been here, and here we still are.

Yesterday I stood by the playground with my new friend and just looked around, reflecting with so much gratitude on what has happened to our home and our neighborhood. People that were dangerous to my children moved away. The apartment which used to be a known drug house was bought, fixed up and now yesterday I met a lovely single mom who lives there with a son my own boy’s age. Other apartments near us were also fixed up and great families have moved into them. A house where guys partied on their front lawn now is home to a great local pastor and his family. Another party house where people would often drive away from while intoxicated is now being fixed up by a newlywed couple.

I am completely blown away and grateful for the transformation that has taken place.

And today, through tears I write, that I’ve been given a glimpse of how I have been transformed.

I’ve found forgiveness.

I’ve been strengthened with joy.

My heart for young girls and single moms is so full every day!

My children are being healed!

When we pray those dangerous prayers and move toward the “ministry” God has for us, there’s not always safety in the world, but there is safety in the arms of God…as He sings over our hearts to be still and rest…where He has us.

Maybe as you read this God is stirring up something in your own heart because you know what I'm talking about and you know that I haven't come near to describing the pain and fear you daily face. You might want to escape from something, some sort of hurricane in your life, where rest is elusive. I encourage you to allow the transforming power of Jesus to come in and unfold His beautiful plan before your eyes as they close. As your breathing slows and you begin to dream again.

**I'm in no way referring to any abusive situation when I'm talking about storms. If you or your children are victims of abuse, follow God OUT of there. He is powerful to rescue and will lead your path as you trust Him with your life.

Thankful

I love getting to the place where the fog lifts a little and I glance back at the path that I've been tredging along on and see how each step has fallen into the place it was meant for.

And gratitude fills my heart!

A few months ago, at a women's retreat, a wise woman spent a large block of time talking about thankfulness and giving practical tips. One thing she mentioned was starting off her day listing things she's thankful for.

Sometimes I hate the idea of the "thankfulness formula" BUT I also know that it SIMPLY WORKS.

So I decided to try it, listing 20 gratitudes before raising my head from my pillow.

I admit, there are only a couple of days that I actually got to 20... hmm, pre coffee brain?
But...even if I only think of a couple of things it has now become a habit and has been a consistant way God has carried me through some darkened days.

And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

This morning I was thankful for my boy who let me sleep in a little before he peeked in my room and with his smiling eyes, asking for breakfast.

I was thankful for the worship song that was in my mind and on my lips as I woke up (this has happened more and more since I started this little routine).

I was thankful for the opportunity of our oldest to sing this morning in church for Youth Sunday (I think she did an amazing job by the way).

And my love, my big strong husband; the one who challenges my soul and my heart. I am thankful that God made me his helper, his partner, his encourager. I'm thankful that I can see things in him that he can't see himself and I get to call those things out of him! (God has brought me far I tell you!) 

And lastly today I cannot get over how thankful I am for friendships that are healthy, honest, vulnerable, and trustworthy.

Last weekend we went camping at a local campground on the beach. It was a beautiful Saturday and a lovely time of rest for our family. My husband needed it, just to take a break from the overwhelming tasks that having a business entail. I'm actually am not the biggest fan of sitting around a campfire, but he repaid me kindly by patiently waiting on a windy beach while the sun set over the islands in the west.

Honor

“Acts of honor are never lost in translation and we must choose to honor what will be and what should be and what could be instead of criticizing what is.” -Lisa Bevere, author of Lioness Arising

I’ve had similar words to these in my heart for years. That verse speaking the truth in love about seeing people, all people, through a lens of acceptance and love and grace and treating them accordingly.

Respecting my husband for the man he’s called to be.

Seeing potential in my children and calling that out.

Recognizing light for those I know and encouraging them to keep heading towards it…

Not that I constantly do all these things…definitely fail more than succeed!

Which brings me to what hit me today like the crash of an ocean wave...

It applies to us!!!

We have to honor ourselves!

(sorry for all the exclamation marks but this was a serious realization.)

I momentarily lapse in grace towards my husband, my kids and just about everyone I bump into on this lifelong road, but when it comes to myself the criticism cut so much deeper, I dwell on so much longer and rarely there's an apology. Then I’m back in the hole again…

This is such an amazing Psalm and seriously one of the songs of my life.

Psalm 40~
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
~
But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.

I'm thinking today about treating myself well. Seeing my own potential. Forgiving myself. Accepting myself...

Listening to myself.

Okay, now I'm confusing myself, haha!

Seriously though, my God is not let down by my mistakes, he loves me and is only hoping that instead of looking inward in shame I'll run to Him and see His love as even bigger and more extravagant than I thought yesterday!

Lord let me live in that love!

Last Summer

I don't know where all this time went but I thought I'd share some long overdue pictures of my sister in law's beautiful Hawaiian wedding.

Summer

I walk along the beach lost inside of my thoughts when a fragment of white stands out in the step ahead of me. A perfect white spiralled shell, once home to a little crab, but now grabs me and pulls me in.

Beauty before me as I make my way inland at the bay, seeing trees and fields, jungle and savannah. A flock of birds come up from the grass in one giant movement after a stop and pause of serene silence. The sun glistens over the hillside speckleed with houses which I ignore. Behind me is the water, the glistening calm bay over shallow sand.

I take the small shell and begin to look for others. I realize that it was placed there for me. A calling back out of my thoughts, to the beauty and life that surround.

Staying in the spiral is comforting; a drug of thoughts and dreams and desires unknown by anyone apart from God. A little hermit, content to stay.

I have a feeling healing will break forth. The peacefulness of the sea has that effect. I decide to spend many days of this summer here at this beach.

Which Way Lord?

This has been a busy week....or two...or actually a busy couple of months!

I watched one of my favorite movies "The Apostle" with Robert Duvall, who is one of my favorite actors. It's about a preacher who gets into a little trouble with the law, runs to Louisiana after changing his name.

When he comes into the town at every intersection he points to the left and the right and says "Which way Lord?"

I love the movie because he reminds me of stories that I've heard about my husband's grandpa, who was an evangelist. The scene that reminds me the most of him is where he walks into a bar and stays just long enough to drag some guy out by his neck saying "You don't have to go back in there....you just say 21 times 'Jesus Christ gives me the power to not go back in there!'" Then he's running off to catch a bus, still yelling at the stumbling drunk guy who surely didn't realize what hit him.

Anyway, in my life I keep coming to unexpected intersections and I'm learning to say "Which way Lord?" instead of freaking out.

I'm realizing how often I get stressed out when the thing that I'm stressed about is simply (or not so simply) not having control over a situation or that I'm facing something unexpected. It's not even bad, just unexpected, but that feels bad to me...

Does God ever speak to you in parables? If so you know that it is a very humbling experience...LOL. Seriously, when he points something out about someone else and then once you are resolved in your mind about how that person should respond, the still small voice says "Yeah, by the way, that's you I'm talking about..."

Humbling because that is how Nathan approached David after David had committed adultery and then followed up by having the husband killed. That was the only way God could get to the core of David's heart.

So my control issues are the same as David's adultery and murder?

I guess it comes down to fear and those fears that I keep as a layer over my true self, my core...

I realize I'm being very vague about what actually is going on, so I'll just say that we're facing job changes, signing up for school, and no money.

This morning my husband is going to talk to a guy about 'possibilities'...seriously that's all the guy said when he called! The guy runs houses for men recovering from head injuries and his 'possibilities' could be anything from installing some doors to supervising one of the houses to building him a new house.

My fear is that if he does offer my husband a job, how we would then get caught up on the things that we've fallen behind on over the last two months of no working...

Another thing is that I'm looking at going back to work somehow. At first I was kicking and screaming about that idea because I don't see how that would work with my two little ones still at home, but then I was reminded of an idea for a job that would be a writing, work at home job....perfect. Then I saw that there was a class open for this particular job that is this Wednesday (tomorrow). Then I signed up for the class and prayed for God to provide the money ($50) to take it. Then I opened my birthday gift and there was a visa gift card for $50. Then on Sunday I had to use it for gas! (Big heavy sigh...)

I know that God has a plan and it's good and I'm simply trying to be still and trust and allow Him to lead us which way He wants us to go.

If you've made it to the end of this long rambling post, thanks for reading my thoughts that resemble more of a venting journal entry today. I'll try to update when more of these thoughts are actually resolved. And if you think to pray for us in the meantime that would be pretty amazing!

Learning, Writing and Answered Prayer!

I'm trembling in my flip flops here! I love to write, I need to write and I feel like God has given me a message to write...and I say that with real trepidation...


I'm working on a book....there I said it. I've started books before, but I can't seem to get past the introduction and first chapter. Partly because of my extreme case of self critique which I'm already feeling. Yesterday after spending a good amount of time writing and feeling like I was getting a lot done, I loudly exclaimed "God, don't let me be wasting my time here!" What I meant was, I want the words to come from Him, and not my own often too introspective self.

The picture above is a hint at what I'm writing about....;)

He is so faithful!

I just want to share something that happened the other day that was so cool and thankfully I had the eyes to see it (do you also ever wonder how much we miss?).

I was spending some time praying for specifically my husband. We were waiting for someone to pay us and we really needed them to pay in order to literally keep our lights on. Meanwhile my husband is busy with his online classes and I could also sense that he was feeling a little lost as to what to do about money, work and life.

Going back a little, when we went to a conference last month Bill explained afterward that he "is completely changed!" and I've seen a difference! Inwardly he seems to have more peace and outwardly he's doing things different too. He turned on music while working on his classes and he first turned on his usually rock station...then halfway through the first song he found a Christian station and started listening to that! Okay, I know some other wives will know how huge that really is!!

Anyway, seeing these changes I prayed that God would bless him and show my husband His faithfulness. Of course I was thinking that us getting the money we're owed would be the way to do it...then my prayer changed a little and I said "God, I know you have something better in mind...I'll lay aside my request about the money and wait for what you have for us".

I was gone that evening and Bill texted me later and said that he'd prayed with Brayden to ask Jesus into his heart!!! Bill was so incredibly blessed and excited, it practically brings tears to my eyes thinking about it again.

Then he had Brayden call me while I was still driving home and tell me the news for himself. So cute!!

I got off the phone and, seeing how God had answered my prayer, I found myself in a state of utter amazement! Seriously, God is amazing!

And we did get paid that next day and our lights did not get turned off, but my happiness at that point was riding on something greater.

A big part of January's fast for me was fasting from asking. The purpose was so that God would show me how to ask for what He wanted to give me and I'm seeing how He's done that in my life. I know I've got much more to learn, but learning this sure feels good!

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7

Be Still and Know

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

I am so amazed at God!

On Monday night I was driving home and having a talk and honestly laying out some stuff that's been on my mind and on my heart. One of things that I said was that I'm worried that we're on the wrong path in an area of our life....a big area!

I've really committed to this fasting from asking God for stuff, so instead I kind of asked Him how I was supposed to pray and not ask Him....

"Be still and know that I am God." On my drive home I felt peace and a sense that God knew my needs and I could let it go...for the time...

The next morning (Tuesday) I went to Bible Study and sat at my usual table of women. They have the pretty usual bible study format where there will be a teaching time and then a time to share within our table groups. During that time we ended up sharing generally what was on our heart and what we were looking forward to in the new year. I completely forgot about my prayer and my concerns from the previous night and shared how I wanted to be a part of what God was doing in peoples' lives instead of hindering it.

For some reason the leader in our group felt that they should all pray for me and they did. She prayed that God would lead us on the right path! That God would send wise older men to counsel my husband! And that God would be filling us with wisdom for the season ahead!

I forgot those needs and didn't know how to ask when they were on my mind. God remembered them and had others ask for me.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

These Psalms were on my lips constantly these past couple of years since we've been in this constant feeling of transition. We haven't changed jobs, but our lives have been changing; my heart has been changing!

I've been learning that sometimes the line between giving up and surrender is blurry to us in the fog we're walking through, but God sees our heart and gives grace to the humble. I'm learning that it can be the same way with complaining and honestly pouring our hearts out before the Lord.

I'm praising God because my future, our future, is in His hands.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Image Credit

Be in the Moment

This is the day the Lord has made,
I will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

I grew up with that song and so many times when we're on the way to school and I'm not liking the atmosphere of our car, I start out with "This is the day...." It's so funny that even my older girls still join in.

And it changes things!

A couple of days ago I was growing kind of anxious and feeling a little self-pity about this whole fast. I am still not so good at waiting and if I come to a point where I sense something coming, I just wanna get to what's next! I easily grow tired and impatient of the process. Can anyone relate?

That got me thinking, what helps me endure the trying times in motherhood? It's not just looking to the future and knowing that the times will pass. Looking back I think what has helped me the most is finding the joy in my children during that time and focusing on that.

My son is three years old and he loves to run from me. In stores, at home, when I'm trying to get him dressed, when we need to leave the park and head home. It is so frustrating at times but this is also a time when he'll snuggle up to me and fall asleep in my arms. He'll run up and hug my knees and think that I'm the greatest person alive, along with dad, and probably big sister Ruby. I know he won't always do this and I cherish these moments we have now.

So how can I find joy in the middle of discipline? How can I be in this moment?

Philippians 2 mentions joy when Paul says "make my joy complete by being like-minded, ... not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

Paul was in prison when he wrote what I consider his most intimate and beautiful letter to the Philippine church. Talk about a trying time!

Paul's joy was outside of himself. My joy is found when I am very conscientious of the world around me, when I'm rocking my child, when I'm praying for someone, when I'm laying down my own negative emotions and having compassion for others. Then I am more myself.

Let me tell you about that photo above. My friend Amy, who's blog is at the top of my page, brought me some purple tulips when she visited last year. She hasn't been able to visit since because her husband was in a serious dirt bike accident and he's recovering from a traumatic brain injury. Amy is spending every moment possible at her husband's side, cheering him on in his recovery and she's devoting lots of time to her young daughter. You can read about her journey and join in praying for Adam's recovery, just click the link.

The thing is, I never hear a ounce of self-pity coming from her. She's full of praise, encouragement and is always thinking of others. I'm sure she has moments, but during a time when she could be very down and depressed she's staying focused on what's True! She's being herself, who she was created to be and doing what she was created for. It's inspiring.

When she gave me those tulips she pointed out that purple is the color of royalty and she told me I'm a princess of the King of Kings. That's who I am. That's who we all are as women.

Then when the tulips were opened and catching the light in such a beautiful way, I took a picture to remind myself later of who I am. Encouraging me to be myself.

Do you have something reminding you of who you are? We are not what we've done, things we've said or the mistakes we've made. We're not a sum of our education or accomplishments or lack thereof. We are not what other people have told us we are. We were created for a greater purpose than ourselves and we were placed in the Kingdom of God as heirs. We are daughters of the King.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. Isaiah 62:3

For Such a Time as This

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed by God's faithfulness and goodness today; His faithfulness in meeting me here; for blessing my life abundantly and for giving me eyes to see.

For taking my burdens, my sorrows and my shame and for redeeming my life with His unfailing love!

Feeling exhausted, I was so tempted to spend my quiet time today watching TV, but I'm so glad that I didn't give in!

When we listen to his still small voice and choose Him in the midst of our day, He's waiting there with so much for us, it overwhelms my soul.

And I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of urgency!

The other day I mentioned my panic at the thought of not being able to ask for things during prayer because of prayer requests which I anticipated in the month ahead.

Yesterday and today I've been thinking and it's growing more and more clear that I have been asked to do fast because there are urgent prayer requests! I had the phrase from Esther "For such a time as this" in my mind and then Alicia in our group posted some thoughts about Esther in her blog post today! (You can read what she says about purification here.) Yep, no coincidence there!

Now is the time to be declaring the authority, the promises and Truth of God's Word in my life, my family and this world we live in!

Now is the time to be spending time in thankfulness and praise!

Now is the time to be seeking the presence of God, to seek His words, His vision and His love!

For in His presence, the things that don't want to be there, such as anxiety, fear, panic and dread, leave!

Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.” Isaiah 43:5-7

In my time with Him today He gave me a job to do. To be lifting up my husband with words and thoughts of encouragement. To, instead of focusing on disappointments, to be appointing my man to the calling God has for him.

The following is a clip of Lisa Bevere on Life Today, talking about being a wise woman. A quote that stands out to me is this..."We all grow in the reflection of the love we're shown."

I want to see the ones I love grow and be a part of that!

(Be sure to pause the music player at the bottom of the page.)

Broken

My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah. Psalm 62:5-8

Bare with me because I have three days of thoughts swirling in my brain...

As far as the fast goes I am starting to feel better. I guess I've never been so determined to be faithful in this because the detox symptoms I expected on days 4 and 5 came on Day 3 and for the entire day I felt like a recovering drug addict with crawling skin and lock jaw! Not serious lock jaw, but just the tightening that you sometimes feel from extreme stress. This is very eye opening to me how sugar has taken over my life and my health and I'm praising God to bringing me to this place where I'm able to let it go...

So today I've really been thinking a lot on hunger, brokenness and emptiness.

On Hunger:
Cutting bread and sugar, and basically everything I crave, has really caused me to be constantly hungry. Yesterday I was giving in to the hunger by snacking every time I felt that pain, holding myself over with a cup of coffee, drinking water to feel full or busying myself with housework to distract my mind. None of these are bad things. The truth is I have been hungry because the snacks that I've been choosing are low in calories and it would make sense for me to want more an hour later, but something was nagging at me. Something was still missing...

On Brokenness:
We are very quick to fix things when they are broken, or throw them out and get new ones and I think this also describes how we handle things with our emotions and our need for God. A couple of years ago my dishwasher broke and we were not in the financial position to be buying a new one. I can say that that was the year when my time with God was never forgotten because something about standing there washing dishes by hand kept me talking to Him.

I think it's our human nature to not like the feeling on unknowing and discomfort. We want to feel like we're in the drivers seat and it would be preferrable to stay out of the fog! Are you seeing this theme of wanting to control come up again and again? Yes, my name is Jewel and I like to handle things on my own and be in control! This fast is for the purpose of ridding my brain from toxins and I believe that's been one of them!

I'm not alone there though. What did the Israelites do when Moses was taking awhile up on the mountain talking to God? They made the golden calf!

Someone posted on 30 Days of Praise about using the time she feels hungry to pray for whatever comes to mind. My spirit cried out "Yes!" I know the benefits of waiting and listening from my year of hand washing dishes, but how often do I take things into my own hands and fill the need with whatever easy to reach when I should be asking God to share what's on His heart!

Our soul waits for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart shall rejoice in Him,
Because we have trusted in His holy name. Psalm 33:20-21

As women, when our hearts are broken and hurting, how do we want people to respond to us? Do we want their quick solution? I heard a radio show about marriage the other day and she was encouraging husbands to first listen and hear their wives because women want to be heard. I wonder if God wants us to lay aside our quick solutions and listen and hear what He has to say.

These thoughts may be a stretch, but how does he feel toward injustice in the world? How does He feel when His children reject Him and His love? How does He feel when those who were created in His own image, whom He fashioned together thinking of every detail, hate themselves when they look in the mirror or compare themselves to someone they are not?

How does He feel when I choose imitations and distractions over Him and His love?

These verses in Hosea give such a beautiful picture of our Father's heart. I encourage you to read these words and meditate on His love for you.

“When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
But the more they were called,
the more they went away from me.[a]
They sacrificed to the Baals
and they burned incense to images.
It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
it was I who healed them.
I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties of love.
To them I was like one who lifts
a little child to the cheek,
and I bent down to feed them.
“How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
How can I make you like Zeboyim?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion is aroused. Hosea 11:1-4,8
“I will heal their waywardness
and love them freely,
for my anger has turned away from them.
I will be like the dew to Israel;
he will blossom like a lily.
Like a cedar of Lebanon
he will send down his roots;
his young shoots will grow.
His splendor will be like an olive tree,
his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon.
People will dwell again in his shade;
they will flourish like the grain,
they will blossom like the vine—
Israel’s fame will be like the wine of Lebanon. Hosea 14:4-7

In His Grace,
Jewel

P.S. This may sound kind of silly, but when I was thinking on all of this I went in to do my laundry and noticed the light was burned out. Today is kind of dark and stormy here in the Northwest so I reached for the box of light bulbs. Then I thought, "No, I'm gonna wait a bit". There was enough light to load the washer and dryer and I really was thinking "Oh God, this is ridiculous, what possible purpose is there for not putting in a new light bulb??" It did get me talking to Him:)

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Have you ever wondered what exactly is a "Cedar of Lebanon"?

Seek His Word

Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
Your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
Your justice like the great deep.
You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
You give them drink from Your river of delights.
For with You is the fountain of life;
in Your light we see light. Psalm 36:5-9

I have a confession to make. A couple days before we started this fast from negative thinking, complaining and asking, I had a moment of panic!

Some issues came up in our family that are sure to come up again in the next month and suddenly I felt like these were urgent issues needing my thoughtful and prayerful attention. The idea of not asking God about it (to help him?) or complaining (so he'd really know the urgency of it) was giving me major anxiety!

Pretty quickly I recognized that these feelings were NOT from God and guess what?? "Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world." Am I right?

So the fasting from complaining is pretty cut and dry right? Well maybe not, but we're not going to go there right now. What about the fasting from asking? That's kind of a crazy idea right?

I like the word revolutionary better:)

Personally so often when I am praying and asking God for something I am coming from a place of worry, anxiety and unbelief. Trying to muster enough faith to "help God out". Really when I'm asking I'm wanting answers and my idea of what the good result would be.

The answers are available to us when we open His word. And the one answer and the only one thing we can depend our life upon is the Word made flesh. He is the Truth! And besides His idea a good result eternally surpasses our short sighted expectations...

Our pastor is talking for a few weeks on evangelism and gave us some questions during the sermon this morning. They seemed simple but profound. He asked "Do you really believe this stuff?" (referring to the bible & Christianity).

If we are not going to the Word and believing Jesus is the Truth, where are our beliefs coming from? What are we depending on? Who are we listening to?

Worry, a false sense of control, anxiety and even feelings of worthlessness and failure can quickly turn into idols in our minds and their negative affects take place in our body and our soul.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

The second question in the sermon was: Have you been changed by the Gospel?

The Israelites were freed from Egypt and when they came into the land God had promised them they were challenged by Joshua in the following verses.

"Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:14-15

I encourage you to read this whole chapter and Isaiah 52 and meditate on God's amazing grace in your life. How you've been set free, how you are being set free, and how you can walk in that on a daily basis.

Awake, awake, Zion,
clothe yourself with strength!
Put on your garments of splendor,
Jerusalem, the holy city.
The uncircumcised and defiled
will not enter you again.
Shake off your dust;
rise up, sit enthroned, Jerusalem.
Free yourself from the chains on your neck,
Daughter Zion, now a captive.
For this is what the LORD says:
“You were sold for nothing,
and without money you will be redeemed.” Isaiah 52:1-3

Peace and Love,
Jewel

Seek The Lord

O God, You are my God;

Early will I seek You;

My soul thirsts for You;

My flesh longs for You;

In a dry and thirsty land

Where there is no water.

So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,

To see Your power and Your glory. Psalm 63:1-2

These scriptures bring several questions to my mind: What do I look for to satisfy me when I'm hungry or thirsty? Does what I fill myself with satisfy me? What difference would it make to seek God early?

I was listening to Gary Thomas tell a story about moving with his family from Washington down to Texas. He went out for a run and being from the Northwest and not used to Texas heat and humidity, he didn't bring a water bottle. Running along and ready to die of thirst he looked over and noticed a half empty bottle of coke in a ditch and for a moment longer than he was happy to admit he considered drinking it! His point (from his book "Pure Pleasure") was that if we don't fill ourselves with the pure goodness God offers, our thirst will lead us to something harmful to our bodies and our souls.

That picture struck me because I know when I haven't filled myself with life giving substance early in the day, reality hits me from all sides and suddenly I'm looking for something to hold me over. My cravings kick in and that's when I find my hand in the bag of marshmallows! Our world is filled with things to "hold us over" and then once again we're empty, exhausted and ready to quit.

But the Lord is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may do it. "See I have set before you today life and good, death and evil, in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments, His statutes, and His judgements, that you may live and multiply; and the Lord your God will bless you in the land which you go to possess. Deuteronomy 30:14-16

I know that there is that which brings life; art that inspires, foods that energize, songs that life up my soul. Internally there is forgiveness, mercy, grace and peace to name a few.

On the other hand there are activities, foods, thoughts and behaviors that bring death, drain me of inspiration, make me feel sluggish and sorry for myself...

During this 30 Days of Praise I'm personally challenged to seek the Lord and His goodness first thing and spend my days satisfied with His pure goodness.

Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call upon Him while He is near. Isaiah 55:6

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips shall praise You.

Thus I will bless You while I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,

And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. Psalm 63:3-5

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I'm Coming Back

It's so hard to get back into blogging when I've been away for so long, especially since I tend to be ultraspective where even when I want to write a post I start thinking questions like "Why do I blog?" And obviously that gets me far...

But I started this Facebook group where we're going to be praying and fasting throughout the month of January. It's called 30 Days of Praise and in addition to fasting from sugar and bread, we're going to be fasting from negative thinking and complaining (I won't tell you my husband's response to this...)

So, that's where my blog comes in. I'll be writing daily meditations focused on praise and thankfulness.

Stay tuned....

Ooops...

I didn't mean to neglect this blog for almost a month...

What happened you may wonder...

I'll tell you what happened...

~Summer!~

Sleeping in, going to the park, going to the beach, my children being around all the time, my house being messy, planning meals, going for walks, lounging in my kid's pool, cleaning house, folding laundry, drinking lemonade, planning camping trips, planning our Hawaii trip, obsessively and mindlessly browsing facebook, reading great books to my kids, keeping junior high aged girls busy, attempting to keep my eleven year old's energy used up, staring at the weeds in my yard, sniffling away my allergies, and so on and so on...

I will write soon :) I promise....

John Mark's CD

This is a good CD. I preordered it at the concert and downloaded it today. Go pick up your copy at itunes.

Here's some lyrics that might convince you. This first song "Ten Thousand" is the one that really touched both Bill and me at the show...

Ten Thousand

Ten thousand glimmering like coals in our chest
Ball bearings drawn to the magnetic breath
Of ten thousand weeping with wings on their tears
Amidst ten thousand voices for ten thousand years
For ten thousand graves yawning unlocked and unlatched
Now ten thousand holes with rocks on their backs
Ten thousand tombs gaping wide singing the praise
Of ten thousand bodies unlaced and unlaid

As the ten thousand highways unfold their doors
For the ten thousand standing on Nineveh's shores
Where the blood of a husband silences wars
For the girl who rises to meet him
And she sings

World, I have overcome you
World, I have overcome you
World, I have overcome
By my song and the blood of a son

Ten thousand rivers
Run red like my veins
Where the bones of men hum
Like a rattling cage
For sinew to cling to
And wind to remain
In ten thousand lungs
For ten thousand days
Breathing like a choir
Of holes in the ground
Where the cynical have lain
Where the cynical go down
Save the gravity of time
Lets go of her drowned
Like ten thousand sparrows
Unlocked and unwound

As the ten thousand highways unfold their doors
For the ten thousand standing on Nineveh's shores
Where the blood of a husband silences wars
For the girl who rises to meet him
And she sings

World, I have overcome you
World, I have overcome you
World, I have overcome
By my song and the blood of a son

And this song "Between the Cracks" is pure poetry...love it!

Between the Cracks

Hope grows between cracks in the asphault
In the downtown ghetto streets that contour
The government housing intentions of my heart
No one notices the daisies don't care
About gang related violence
As long as they get enough air and water and sun
They're all just fine

Who would've thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There's a man down here somewhere between
The Saturday cartooons and the dirty magazines
He's raising the dead in the graveyards
Where we've laid down our dreams
His name is Hope

Hope stands high on the 15th floor
On a Christmas tree perched about the ledge of a fortress
A steel that's trying to hard to be somebody's home
As it sees my attention from I-85 though the throws of the day
Were still writhing inside
I lifted my head as I drove home that night and knew
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Everything was gonna be fine

Who would've thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There's a man down here not worried or afraid
That some politician forgot all the promises he made
And he's raising the dead in the graveyards
Where we've laid down our dreams
His name is Hope

Can you hear him outside he's been singing all night
He's saying when you gonna come out from behind
These paper thin walls, your cardboard box realities

Who would've thought it but life is finding a way
Through this wasteland of cynics, concrete, and pain
There's a man down here not worried or afraid
That some politician forgot all the promises he made
And he's raising the dreams in the graveyards
Where we've laid down our dead
His name is Hope

Weekend With My Sister

My sister has passed her six month mark at Teen Challenge and was rewarded with a weekend pass. And needing rest she packed up and came and visited my house! Can you imagine a house full of five children being restful?

We actually did have a very good time though and lots of good conversations that were waiting for years and years to come about.

On Friday I picked her up in Seattle and we headed to Costco to pick up some pizzas and Capri Suns to feed the entire neighborhood. Then we arrived home and I cleaned up the house while my sister took my oldest daughter and her friend down to a coffee house down the road for devotions and Jones sodas. This was the third week of "Disciplets", Azzie's middle school age girl group and I thought my sister would like to be a part of it.

At 5:30 about 20 kids packed into our living room to eat the pizzas and watch Avatar. The oldest kids were sophomores and Brayden and Ruby were the youngest, with all the other boys and girls in between. Crazy? Why yes I am;) 5 pizzas, 40 Capri suns and a long movie later and I was ready to plan that every week....see?

On Saturday we woke up, got ready and headed over to our neighbors yard sale. My sister was given a cool shoulder bag from Cambodia and I found some cute little coasters with pictures of Europe.

Then off to the Farmers Market. I have to say that I think this is how I'm going to spend every Saturday during the summer. Did you know that most booths at the market have samples??

After that we went home and everyone took naps. My sister seemed to enjoy the rest and enjoy a little freedom. Actually she went a little wild and crazy doing stuff she hasn't been allowed to do for the past six months. Sleeping in, chewing gum, taking naps, checking Facebook, watching movies that are PG-13... We got in the car and my dial was set as usual to the local Christian station. She immediately turned it to a station and blared Led Zeppelin. I prayed that we'd get a lot of laughing in this weekend and we definitely did about her "crazy" behavior. After dinner we went for a walk and enjoyed a view of the bay with an amazing sunset over it.

On Sunday we went to church and she enjoyed seeing people. Then we came home, watched more movies and took more naps. For dinner we cooked our farmers market meal of minestrone and brushetta. We finished just in time to leave and have her back by 9:00pm on the dot.

It was really great to be able to really talk to my sister with no walls between us. We've never had that as adult women and I felt like it was healing for both of us. For me because I sort of saw how far I'd come since I'd been in the same position of really "owning" my dysfunctional childhood.

The bulk of our conversations centered around one thing...being real. We talked about how sad it is that in a lot of churches and Christian communities you're only able to talk about your issues if you've overcome them. Then they can be your testimony, but if you're in the middle of it, then you'd better keep quiet. So then we just build up walls and no one really knows the real us. That's followed by feeling shameful about our "secrets" and it's just this bad cycle that leads no where good.

So I'm pondering today what it means in my every day life to keep it real.

Testing....

Sorry for the somewhat mess here. I'm figuring out some of blogger's new design features and obviously they haven't worked out all of the kinks! ;)

Still Long Enough To Listen

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a

He who has ears, let him hear. But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it. Matthew 13:9, 16-17


My house is super still right now. The sun in shining beautifully on what was supposed to be a rainy day. My two older girls are helping at the Annual Boxcar Derby, hoping to raise some money for camp. My middle child is playing outside with her friend and my two youngest are sleeping off their sugar crashes upstairs (we just got back from a birthday party). The house is quiet.

I think it's a part of our culture to love noise and I usually fill up quiet times like this with at least the radio.

But with constant noise when do we have time in our going going lives to just be?

There are two activities that encourage me to be still. Reading and journaling. Well, going for walks in the country is a close third. Reading usually leads me to quiet reflection or contemplation and journaling is a great way to listen because I write down what I've heard.

This is an entry from a few months ago that kind of came out of a desperate prayer. I was in desperate need of some time to be still.

"Dreary day, depressed mood, lacking motivation, headache, so much built up, how do I speak? How do I write? Aching heart..." (I couldn't even form complete sentences!) "Lord I have nothing without you, but why does saying that feel hollow and fake? I need to know today how you view me because I'm feeling like I'm all wrong. Like I'm too much. My emotions, my thirst, my hunger, my longings and desires. It's too much. But not good enough at the same time. I'm deflating...

What is your answer?"

Come my daughter into the sun. Warm your face and stay awhile. Feel me wash over you satisfying your emptiness. Filling it beyond what you can imagine. Rest in me and close your eyes while I fill you with my love. Lay everything aside and in my love abide. Draw near and listen to the sound of my voice as I sing sweet melodies over your aching heart. I am the healer and I'll mend your wounds. I'll calm your fears. I'll give you new dreams from my mind and my heart. You've heard your name when I called you so very long ago, my delight is in you. When you wander I breathe your name, in the gentle whisper of the wind it rides. Listen and I will give you freedom. Listen and you'll see my face.