Daily blah...g

I have a journal that just says "blah" on the cover. It's a word I hate...like I get kind of annoyed when people in the middle of a sentence finish by saying "blah blah blah". Not all people. If you are one of my dear friends and you do that occasionally I still love you. But back to my journal. I put "blah" on the cover to remind me to dump everything that's on my mind and there can be a lot. I don't want to have to worry that it sounds good or interesting to read. I just need to get it onto paper and out of my head.

So, here is a glimpse of the endless maze of spaghetti that is my mind...

I am really looking forward to a women's conference that is tonight. Lisa Bevere who I've mentioned before is going to be there as the main speaker. From what I've heard from Lisa she's a very inspirational speaker who has a passion for the daughter's of God.

Last night I dropped Shariah off at basketball and wanted to keep driving past my house. I've felt that way a couple of times in the last week which makes me feel really guilty. I named my blog "home sweet home" and I sometimes don't even like to go to mine. Obviously I needed a serious attitude change last night and I love the way God speaks to me sometimes. Kind of like "Come on Jewel. Can you please just "get it" what I've been trying to teach you in this point in your life?" And I who would like to think at this point in my life I could just be like "why yes Lord, I know exactly what you mean." But I'm completely not and I answered back with a childish "huh?"

I love this Jeremy Camp song on my blog. If you have your speakers off turn it up. It fills me with hope because lately I just feel like I can't get away from seeing so much suffering and pain all around.

I can say that I sort of changed my attitude the first time but when my husband got home I had to go to the grocery store for diapers and I have to say I took my sweet time. I also stared at the bakery desserts and although I've given them up (QFC puts their whip cream cakes on sale for $4 all the time) if I had found a $4 one last night I totally would have bought it. Thankfully there wasn't.

On my way home I was listening to Sara Groves. She's always so good to remind me of what I need to know. I'm totally obsessive with my music and listen to the same stuff over and over for months. I've heard this CD a bunch of times already, so much that I sing along, but I really listened to the song "When the Saints" last night. Here's some of the lyrics:

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind it often overwhelms me but when I think of all who've gone before and lived the faithful life their courage compells me

And when I'm weary and overwrought with so many battles left unfought I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharohs court I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the Saints go marching in I want to be one of them

And when the Saints go marching in I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights I see the sisters standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor I see the man with a passion
come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the Saints go marching in I want to be one of them

My kids aren't dressed yet. In fact my daughter is in her swim suit. Listening to that song one more time and I "get it". At least what I need to get today. I have something in front of me that requires my faithful service. Children who need their snack, story and a nap.